Candy Grows on Trees???

Posted on November 10, 2010


So the title got your attention eh? Which means I should probably preface the message of this post with an apology or discretionary advisement: I’m sorry to be so harsh as to point my finger and all but throw the neglected rotting apples in Krogers back dumpster at the candy fenes out there in blog world, but this has to be said:

At this day in age when we’ve got every out of season, in season and in between fruit at our fingertips at every 15 chain grocery stores within a 10 mile radius there is just NO good excuse to buy skittles, or dare I say, fruit by the foot when your craving something sweet.

Anything that has to have a label claiming it does in fact have a fraction of “real” fruit juice should not be eaten unless it’s Halloween, your on a godforsaken fruitless island and the only edibles  in the cargo were gummy snacks, your significant other just broke up with you and your out of ice cream/chocolate, or your being held down against your will (creepy?) and force fed by a creepy candy fetished maniac (very creepy, but for arguments sake).

Allow me to unvail to you the most delectable, juicy, bursting with more juice and flavor than any sucrose/sucralose/high frustose corn syrup sweetened little devil treats you’ll find in what I like to call Hell’s Pit of the center aisles of your grocery store (gasp) in count down style from the delicious, to the orgasmic.

5)Melon/Cantaloupe- Always refreshing, always the perfect amount of sweet, and much cheaper to buy in whole form before the store slices them up, puts them in plastic containers and calls it fair game to charge you 5 times as much; juuust saying. Here’s some more info about you’ll benefit from melons:

4)Berries(such as the blue, black and straw varieties)- Now, these can get expensive, but their good ON EVERYTHING. Seriously, their good on and in ALL THINGS EDIBLE: greek 0% yogurt, ice cream, cereal, pancakes, oatmeal, sausage and other meats that gross me out, peanut butter sandwiches (Seriously, tryyy ittttt) and really I’m sure you get the point but, do you? I want everyone to have the passion for berries that I do. And check out the health benefits of consuming incredible edible berries!! :

3)Honey Crisp Apples- GO GET ONE TODAY from your local fresh market. If you truly regret it, I will personally send you a Laffy Taffy. (and the only Laffy Taffy I can afford to hand out is..well, thats another story but come on, that’s how confident I am.) Check out the stats: f

2)Asian Pears- If you eat fruit for breakfast and have never introduced an Asian Pear into your breakfast routine, I’d give it a go. They are the most juicy, crispy, always faithful to me miracle fruit that I start my day off with. Oh and PSSSTTT, if you have a tendency to go for very tart/sweet candy, the treasure of an asian pear lies in the core, really. Here’s why I feel so good after I’ve had an Asian Pear munch down:

1) Pomegranates- So, for the first time last night I ventured into the glory of this DEEE VINE fruit. WOW. Don’t let them intimidate you as they’ve done me for years. I walked into the grocery last week determined to part from my gala apple routine and came across these lonely red fruits that the little sign told me were Pomagranates and that they were on SALE. “Say what?”, the little Phat Chow voice in my head said. I took one home like a stray pet, not knowing what to expect. It sat in my fruit drawer for a week. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to cut into it but, I was scared. Knowing nothing about the little red angels I had doubts; would it live up to my expectations and the rumors I’ve heard? Will it be delicous?  If it’s gross will I have to throw it away? I was so naiive. Eat one today:


Now please, if you do one thing for your diet this week: Replace every time you would normally walk to the vending machine, wonder whether your diet can allow for you to insert $1.25 to tear open a bag of those lab created refined sugar coated sour patch kids, and make the decision to turn away and let the magical hunger zapping fruit fairy treat your craving AND that sexy figure of yours with one of my favorite candy habit kicking delectables listed above.

THEN, try and give me ONE good excuse to waste another dollar something in that gross vending machine where everything’s made to last longer than it naturally should.

“The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself.” – Wallace D. Wattles

Stay Positive, Keep Faith, and Believe


Phat Chow